Yes Virginia – there is a Santa Claus!


Just received a call from London. I can tell you all that Bruce had surgery today and they found an infected abscess, not cancer, causing the problem!

Some damage has been done but appears to be temporary and with a long course of IV antibiotics Bruce will be back good as new –  but then again,  if you’ve seen his picture……….

According to the doctors, the hole in his head has been there for quite a while, which explains a lot about our friend, but only showed symptoms when it began to press on nerves that control coordination. The type of infection is not known yet but they hope to have more results by Monday.

It looks like 6 to 8 weeks of meds and some time for the nerves to get back to normal before he can even think about leaving Hogg’s Corners.

He may be home as early as Wednesday but will need extensive rest and for a change, will have to do what Marg tells him.

Bruce has a rough road ahead – but a lot smoother one than it might have been. I may have to revise my opinion on prayer!

Friends of the Bruce

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Wow! Did a any body get the plate number of that truck that hit me??


As some of you may know I have not been up to mysel lately.

Wow there was 30minutes shot to hell!  I feel like a civil servant before lunch!

At  the  moment I am dealing with brain cancer so my spelling etc is worse than normal.

I am in good spirits thanks to a lot of help from a ll my good friends oh the Bruce.

Tomorrow I am off to London to begin teaching everone about the brain! Be better if I had some one to work with! Any volunters?

I will try to keep you in the loop as I go down this road no promises though.

I want to thank Lynne I mean Marj for her love and support.  She is the greatest!

When I get better it will be cheese burgers for you at Harvyies no less!   

Keep me in your prayers as I need all the help I can get!

Bruce

So long and thanks for all the fish


South Bruce Peninsula outgoing council tonight showed why they were wiped off the map in the last election. Follows, the description of the last council meeting this bunch will ever have. The names have been changed to protect the innocent!

Councillor Walt, proud of his recycling accomplishments, is describing and showing off all the new items to be placed in blue boxes when councillor Al, famous for not knowing how far it is from home to town hall stands up and calls “time expired”! This  forces councillor Don, guardian of the procedural bylaw, to call for a vote to let Walt continue. It passes and we get to hear more.

A bad hour was spent during which council debated how to go back in time and change a vote previously taken on whether to force the moving of a bench, donated by a local funeral home, from the cemetary to another location because they had the bad taste to put their name on their donation. Seems they violated somewhere between 1 and 100 bylaws covering advertising, signage, cemetaries and pissing off the competition who didn’t donate a bench. (Rumour has it that at one point earlier in the debate, at least one councillor questioned why the donation hadn’t been tendered – because it was a donation you moron!) After all the procedural discussion on how to vote, they voted to allow themselves to vote again –  and voted to do….. nothing.  One audience member was heard to say: “I feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole!”  I’ll bet the members of the 4th estate sitting in the front row taking it all in were suitably impressed and I can’t wait to hear the news reports.

The rest of the session was the usual blend of councillors Ava, Beth and Al doing everything they could to piss off everyone else because of their own shortcomings and lack of attendance at previous meetings, with an emphasis on trying to make staff look bad. All the while, Mayor Gertie sat smiling and waving her baton like she was conducting an orchestrated event.

But the best was yet to come.

After council went  into closed session to discuss some real estate deals, loud screaming was heard by those outside waiting, while  people  walking by the Post Office across the street stopped and stared! (tying to decide whether to call the cops I guess) This was followed by the town’s real estate agent who was selling the properties, running outside visibly shaken and crying.

Now it would not be proper to tell all of you what did occur during that closed session but it would be fair to say that the screaming seemed to be the last gasp of a defeated councillor Ava, who apparently can curse in at least two languages, calling the real estate agent stupid, incompetent and the next thing to a liar and, having done all the damage she could, took her bat and ball and left the chamber. She was joined by councillor Beth –  councillor Al having already departed after telling everyone in attendance that he likes to be kissed while being screwed. Thanks for the visual Al, it will haunt me the rest of my life and make sex almost impossible to enjoy.

And so ends the most dysfunctional council in the history of the town  – Goodbye and Good Riddance! 

 Friends of the Bruce

Omar Khadr – Canadian Murderer or Canadian Millionaire?


 

I’ve figured out a retirement plan. I grab the wife and move to Pakistan and have a kid.

Because he’s born there he’s a citizen. Then I come back to Canada where we raise the kid and I teach him to hate Pakistanis. I make sure he knows how to fight, build bombs,  throw grenades and by the time he’s 15 he’s good at it.

His IEDs  blow up some trucks and kill a few people, but that’s OK because I’ve taught him that the Pakistanis he’s targeting don’t belong here in good old Canada anyway and he’s a child soldier fighting to free this country from people who want to take over our taxi and corner store businesses.  The mounties track him down and after a shootout where more people die, he’s captured and thrown in jail.

Everyone knows how slowly the wheels of justice turn in Canada so I appeal to Pakistan to do something to free my kid, a Pakistani citizen, from the horror of a Canadian jail with cable TV,  three squares a day and a free lawyer. They’re a little reluctant to help out, probably because he was killing Pakistanis, so he sits in jail a little longer.

Finally he gets his day in court and pleads guilty after making a deal to serve a year in Canada and then go back to Pakistan, where we sue the government for $10,000,000 for not getting him home fast enough.

Pop quiz people! Do you think we’ll get paid – or do they execute all of us as soon as the plane touches down?

Maybe I’d better learn to live on CPP because this is has to be the only country on Earth that treats it’s taxpayers as a convicted murderer’s private ATM.

Friends of the Bruce

Where’s Bruce?


 

Bruce is not in jail, isn’t being sued, hasn’t fled the country, did not suffer a stroke after seeing the election results, is not in therapy, is not on a bender, didn’t drink too much raw milk ( but might have picked up something from a sip of water while visiting in Sauble Beach) is not on the FBI most wanted list (that I know of) and contrary to popular belief, did not meet his demise at the point of a Martian blaster!

He’s just a little under the weather and asked me to fill in for a while. I will post comments, that meet his criteria, from any of his many friends and contributors till he can return to business as usual. I’m sure he has a rant or three left just itching to see the light of day.

In the mean time, I’ll try and keep things light and friendly and ask you readers to do the same.

If you are so inclined you might offer a prayer for his speedy recovery. 

Friends of the Bruce