South Bruce Peninsula outgoing council tonight showed why they were wiped off the map in the last election. Follows, the description of the last council meeting this bunch will ever have. The names have been changed to protect the innocent!
Councillor Walt, proud of his recycling accomplishments, is describing and showing off all the new items to be placed in blue boxes when councillor Al, famous for not knowing how far it is from home to town hall stands up and calls “time expired”! This forces councillor Don, guardian of the procedural bylaw, to call for a vote to let Walt continue. It passes and we get to hear more.
A bad hour was spent during which council debated how to go back in time and change a vote previously taken on whether to force the moving of a bench, donated by a local funeral home, from the cemetary to another location because they had the bad taste to put their name on their donation. Seems they violated somewhere between 1 and 100 bylaws covering advertising, signage, cemetaries and pissing off the competition who didn’t donate a bench. (Rumour has it that at one point earlier in the debate, at least one councillor questioned why the donation hadn’t been tendered – because it was a donation you moron!) After all the procedural discussion on how to vote, they voted to allow themselves to vote again – and voted to do….. nothing. One audience member was heard to say: “I feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole!” I’ll bet the members of the 4th estate sitting in the front row taking it all in were suitably impressed and I can’t wait to hear the news reports.
The rest of the session was the usual blend of councillors Ava, Beth and Al doing everything they could to piss off everyone else because of their own shortcomings and lack of attendance at previous meetings, with an emphasis on trying to make staff look bad. All the while, Mayor Gertie sat smiling and waving her baton like she was conducting an orchestrated event.
But the best was yet to come.
After council went into closed session to discuss some real estate deals, loud screaming was heard by those outside waiting, while people walking by the Post Office across the street stopped and stared! (tying to decide whether to call the cops I guess) This was followed by the town’s real estate agent who was selling the properties, running outside visibly shaken and crying.
Now it would not be proper to tell all of you what did occur during that closed session but it would be fair to say that the screaming seemed to be the last gasp of a defeated councillor Ava, who apparently can curse in at least two languages, calling the real estate agent stupid, incompetent and the next thing to a liar and, having done all the damage she could, took her bat and ball and left the chamber. She was joined by councillor Beth – councillor Al having already departed after telling everyone in attendance that he likes to be kissed while being screwed. Thanks for the visual Al, it will haunt me the rest of my life and make sex almost impossible to enjoy.
And so ends the most dysfunctional council in the history of the town – Goodbye and Good Riddance!
Friends of the Bruce