Beep, beep, beep, beep the insistent noise wouldn’t stop! There was a light over the nursing station and people whispering all arround me.
As I opened my eyes I could make our the little curtained room with a green light glowing above my bed and wires and tubes hanging in the glow above my bed.
So much had happened in a short period of time, it was all very confusing! As the events of the last couple of days rushed into my head, I began to recall where I was. Though the facts were coming to me slowly and garbled it didn’t take long for me to connect the dots and feel a twig of fear invading my whole being!
A nurse came from behind the curtain, “So you are awake?” she said moving the curtain back ,the rollers on it screaming in my head.
“It appears so” I responded in a frogy voice trying to adjust to the light. God I was thirsty.
She bounced back with questions “So you know where you are, what day is it, how many fingers am I holding up?” the same questions five and six times a day
I always managed to answer with the correct answers, least wise they were correct as far as I was concerned.
As the nurse was going about her duties the good Doctor Epp appeared out of no where with his trusty sidekick Pat both with clipboards and glasses. “Mr Bruce. I am Doctor Epp do you remember me? and How are you feeling?” he asked in a matter of fact sort of way.
“Like ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag and yes I remember you, but other than that I feel just fine!” I replied looking for a laugh.
I had just completed a whole mess of blood tests and MRI’s after doing all the same tests in Wiarton before arriving in London.
Trust me, those MRI machines are the meanest piece of work I ever tangled with! They may be life saviors but they are scarey! It is like it swallows you into this metal gullet and then start blasting you with really loud noises.It lasts forever but you cannot show fear or any weakness as it is you against the machine! I resorted to repeating the Lords Prayer over and over again to keep mind busy and because it is funny I resorted to the only man that could save me now!
” So you guys look like your dog died, wanna share?” I asked.
“Well Mr. Bruce, I am afraid we have some rather bad news for you! You have a 5 millimeter growth in your brain and all indications are that it is cancerous! We would like to operate and remove it but we don’t know if we can help until we get in there and have a look!”
“If indeed it is cancerous, the location is not conducive for a successful operation and in all likelihood you will require Kemo after the operation and likely die within a year and a half!”
Well now, that was a taste of reality that was a bit of a kick in the pants!
“So what are the options Doc, or is that the bottom line?” I responded diving head first into a pond of denial.
“Of course there are options, albeit they are all maybe’s. It could be that it is a puss filled cyst and we go in and drain it, or maybe it’s not cancerous and we just remove it. It is possible for us to do an exploratory assess the damage close you up then go back in after the fact and fix what we found. But I have to be honest with you the odds are not good!”
I have to tell you, I was shocked. The rush of emotion overwhelmed me. My first thought was how was I going to tell Marg! If I was going to die who would take care of her??
“Ok Doc, I guess it is lucky I didn’t pay for our winter vacation like Marg wanted to eh?”
“Tell you what, I want to think about this and talk to the wife and family before I commit so let’s have a little chat later and I will give you my thoughts OK?”
“Of course, we understand and we will come back this afternoon to hear your decision!” and they left.
I don’t think I ever felt so alone!