To face death eye to eye, or the prospect there to, is something no one wants to do. We are forced into it at the last-minute making decisions under less than ideal circumstances.

Some face the prospect with fear, some with relief and some with thoughts of adventure.

My initial reaction was that of worry! How would Marj survive, how will the children and grandchildren make out, what would happen to all the projects I had started.

You cannot hide behind denial when that cold hard reality is biting you in the ass!

After a while I resigned to the reality and decided that if I was going to die there was nothing I could do about it and that was that. If I was going to live, then my terms would be based on how I would live going forward. I was not prepared to live with doctors poking and prodding testing drugs and procedures hoping to keep me alive one more day or one more month. If I were destined to live then it had to be a normal life, not as a dependant bleeding the last there was out of those arround me.

I decided then and there that the only acceptable conclusion was to go with the gusto! Plan for the worst face the challenge head on. If  I was wrong well I would be dead and couldn’t change that. If I was right then I would live and try to change things and become a better person only if I didn’t become a dependant.

It was a crap shoot but on the other hand it could be the best thing that ever happened to me. That was it!  I would tell the Doctors to go ahead and do what they had to do!  Go for the full meal deal and never mind the exploratory!If they thought for a moment that I was going to be the least bit handicapped to pull the plug!

When Marj arrived for her morning visit I would encourage her to adopt my decision and embrace the challenge with grit.

You know when you make a good decision because you are at total peace with yourself! It just feels right! You can not be told otherwise. Deep down inside you are there. Solid and strong. It doesn’t matter what anybody says or does you are there and nothing is going to change your mind!

Marj and I got together early afternoon, she was pretty upset and it was everything I could do to open our talk about what  had to be done.

Marg has always been the strong one, but she has always been totally dedicated to me. For her, I think this was the biggest challenge she has ever had to face. Having been married to me for the better part of forty years,to an old blow hard like me, that dictated every aspect of your life, I can only imagine what was going through her mind. Either it was sheer joy at the prospect of freedom or complete devastation, albeit I firmly believe it was the latter.

None the less I explained to her that I did not want to leave her with a mental mushroom nor did I want her dealing with eighteen months of cancer treatment only to have things end in a funeral. I gently explained that I would rather take a shot at a “full meal deal” and either be dead or fixed up one way or the other. To my surprise she supported me in my decision 100%, though the conversation was emotionally charged to say the least.

So the die was cast! We would roll the dice and let Lady Luck call the ball!

I found it funny when the Doctor and his side kick came back they were only interested in getting me to sign a form. Now let’s think about that for a minute, I am in what could be considered a Mental facility, on a bunch of drugs and they wanted me to sign a document that who knows authorized what, after they told me I was gonna die if it didn’t let them do what they wanted to do.! I have to wonder just how would that document stand up in court if it ever got there.

“Yes your honour we have this agreement signed by the Plaintiff wherein which he waived the right to litigated, right after we told he would die if we didn’t do what we wanted to do!”

I would have signed anything at that point, why not I technically had nothing to lose I was dead anyway!

Canadian legal system ceases to amaze me!



10 thoughts on “I’m BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAk! 3

  1. spooner704 says:

    Happy and blessed New Year, Bruce, and my most sincere recuperative good thoughts. What a frightening experience! Hopefully, you and Marg and your family will get to the point where you can look back on this, smile and make jokes.

  2. mxyzptlk says:

    Hey Bruce,
    I wondered where you had been. Heard a rumor that tou were fixin to open a restaurant. I assume there will be a Rest Rant for that.

    Going ti the COW on Tuesday? Should be an interesting session.

    I also noted in the agenda a closed session item dealing with a ‘blog’ could that be BOTB?

    keep well

    • I may just try to get there! I get tired very easily and the meds kick the hell out of me.

      Vive La Poutine! will be open in the next couple of weeks. We have sold six Franchises in the area all to be open over the next 12 months.
      I some how think the Rant will be positive! 🙂
      As for the Blog portion of the meeting that should be a hoot!
      I wish you and yours a very Happ New Year!

  3. ruftic says:

    We were worried about you! Glad you are back, Happy New Year! bri

  4. beachweezy says:

    Happy New Year Bruce and I wish for you a continued healthy recovery.

    You keep writing, I’ll keep reading.

    What’s this about <Vive la poutine<?

    • Thank you for your well wishes and a Happy New Year to you and yours!
      Vive La Poutine is going to be a great alternative to the Sisco mania we are dealing with now!
      Poutine, the basic recipe for poutine, French fries are topped with fresh cheese curds, and covered with brown gravy. The French fries are of medium thickness, and fried so that the inside stays soft, while the outside is crunchy. The gravy used is generally a light chicken, veal or turkey gravy, mildly spiced with a hint of pepper. Heavy beef or pork-based brown gravies are rarely used. Fresh cheese curds (not more than a day old) are used. To maintain the texture of the fries, the cheese curd and gravy is added immediately prior to serving the dish.
      The dish originated in rural Quebec, Canada, in the late 1950s. Several Québécois communities claim to be the birthplace of poutine, including Drummondville (by Jean-Paul Roy in 1964), Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu, and Victoriaville. One often-cited tale is that of Fernand Lachance, from Warwick, Quebec, which claims that poutine was invented in 1957.[Lachance is said to have exclaimed ça va faire une maudite poutine (“it will make a damn mess”), hence the name. The sauce was allegedly added later, to keep the fries warm longer.
      While the exact provenance of the word poutine is uncertain, some of its meanings undoubtedly result at least in part from the influence of the English word pudding. Among its various culinary senses, that of “a dessert made from flour or bread crumbs” most clearly shows this influence; the word pouding, borrowed from the English pudding, is in fact a synonym in this sense. The pejorative meaning “fat person” of poutine (used especially in speaking of a woman) is believed to derive from the English pudding “a person or thing resembling a pudding” or “stout thick-set person”.
      In other meanings of poutine, the existence of a relation to the English word pudding is uncertain. One of these additional meanings — the one from which the name of the dish with fries is thought to derive — is “unappetizing mixture of various foods, usually leftovers.” This sense may also have given rise to the meaning “complicated business, complex organization; set of operations whose management is difficult or problematic.”
      The future will tell when you put a French Trained Chef in a kitchen and tell him to make Gormet Poutine!
      The fact that the cheese is going to be made on site and the 10 different sauces all made on site should be and adventure for even the most conservative palate!


  5. cuvava says:

    “The future will tell when you put a French Trained Chef in a kitchen and tell him to make Gormet Poutine!

    Good place would be Wiarton airoport.

    Vuf Vuf

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